What if I've tried therapy before and it didn't help?

“I've already had talking therapy and it didn't really help. Why would I try counselling again?”

I think that's a reasonable question, especially if it took a lot to ask for help the first time.

Maybe you waited months for an appointment, went along hoping it might make a difference, and came away thinking: was that it? You may have got on perfectly well with the therapist but still not found the sessions useful. Or perhaps you just know it didn't help, without being able to put your finger on why.

I don't think you have to put a positive spin on that. Sometimes therapy genuinely isn't helpful. What I would be cautious about is assuming that one experience tells you what every experience of counselling will be like. Therapists can work quite differently, even when they describe themselves as using the same approach. The setting can make a difference too. A short block of sessions where the number and format are decided in advance may feel very different from counselling where there is more time to work out what you need.

That isn't a promise that private counselling will work, or that seeing somebody different will automatically make things better. It might not. But your previous experience can tell us something. If it felt rushed, or you felt your therapist didn’t reflect enough, or maybe there were things you never felt comfortable sharing. You may have come away feeling that the sessions never really got to what mattered to you.

I'd be interested in hearing about that. You wouldn't have to come to counselling with me and pretend you were starting from scratch. Talking about what didn't work last time could actually be a useful place for us to begin.

If you're considering trying again, an introductory conversation can be a useful place to ask what would actually be different before committing to sessions.