Understanding Loneliness: More Than Just Being Alone

This loneliness awareness week it’s important to take a moment to reflect on the feeling that we’ve all experienced to some extent, but which few ever talk about in any real depth. The quiet ache of disconnection isn’t just about being alone, and it’s not about not being surrounded by friends. This article looks at different types of loneliness, from brief situational dips to long-term, chronic loneliness, and how our expectations, thoughts and beliefs can impact how we experience it. I’ll also make the case for small, everyday interactions and how these can help combat feelings of loneliness and disconnection.

The concept of loneliness is a tricky one to pin down as an emotion it can range in length, and intensity, varying to different degrees across time and situations. Loneliness is a completely subjective experience which differs from solitude, when one is physically alone and apart from other people. A large part of what makes loneliness feel unpleasant is that being alone contradicts a person’s preferred level of social connection; for example, we might enjoy having time to ourselves on a Monday evening after work, but on a Saturday afternoon, spending time by ourselves might make us feel dejected and as if we’re missing out. A foundational study on loneliness from Perlman and Peplau (1981) identified two classifications of loneliness; “state” loneliness linked to a specific set of circumstances, and “trait” loneliness which is chronic and an identifying feature of a person’s experience.

According to The Marmalade Trust (founders of Loneliness Awareness Week) there are at least five different types of loneliness: emotional; social; transient; situational, and chronic. Emotional loneliness is the feeling of grief when somebody you love is no longer there, either because you have less contact, or they have passed away. Social loneliness is the conscious feeling that you’re lacking a network of people around you like friends, colleagues, or neighbours. Transient loneliness is fairly temporary and might be experienced during times of change in a person’s life. Situational loneliness might be a regular type of loneliness a person experiences at certain times (like birthdays) or places. Chronic loneliness is the feeling of being lonely most of the time. When offering support to a person who is experiencing loneliness, it can be helpful to understand which type(s) of loneliness they might be experiencing, as different types may require different approaches. For example, someone experiencing situational loneliness might benefit from specific strategies around those triggering times or places, while emotional loneliness might require therapeutic conversations around grief and loss.

A lack of social connections in a person’s life can have a wide range of negative effects, including poorer outcomes on physical and mental health, happiness, and life satisfaction. A 2016 meta-analysis found that unsatisfactory social connections were linked to a 29% increase in risk of chronic heart disease, and a 32% increase in risk of stroke. Several mechanisms contribute to these increased health risks: poor health behaviours such as physical inactivity and smoking, reduced self-esteem and ineffective coping strategies, and diminished self-efficacy. Loneliness also suppresses immune system function and raises blood pressure, and there is also evidence for a correlation between severity and recovery rate of depression symptoms with perceived lack of social support, and there is growing evidence of a correlation with anxiety and bipolar symptoms. This relationship is likely circular, with depressive symptoms causing a person to withdraw, which provides ‘proof’ that they have few social connections, increasing depressive symptoms and so on. Loneliness and life satisfaction also have a two-way relationship, with a lack of social connections leading to low life satisfaction, which is an isolating experience.

While the impact of loneliness on health and wellbeing is clear, it’s important to understand that not all social connections serve the same purpose or provide the same benefits. Research has increasingly shown that both strong and weak social ties play distinct and valuable roles in combating loneliness and promoting social wellbeing. Strong ties, the relationships we may have with friends, colleagues, and family provide a space where we can share our problems, and are characterised by their closeness and intensity. Weak ties, on the other hand, are relationships with low intimacy, perhaps with acquaintances or people we see regularly but don’t know well, like a barista at our local coffee shop or fellow regulars at the gym. Thinking about a spectrum, with one end being complete strangers, and the other end being our nearest and dearest, these weak ties cluster around the centre. When tackling an ongoing feeling of loneliness, it can be tempting to imagine finding someone with whom one can confide and spend a lot of time with in order to satiate our human need to belong, however as a goal this might feel daunting for someone who is lacking social connections. Instead, research has shown that building up weak ties can be a more achievable first step. These connections provide a sense of community and belonging without the pressure of deep emotional investment, and can serve as a foundation for building stronger relationships over time. These relationships can happen everyday and can add variety to our social diet and create a sense of familiarity and connection to our local community and fellow human beings. Weak ties can provide a bridge between social circles, which brings with it access to new information and diverse perspectives which might be lacking in close-knit or closed groups. They also provide opportunities for these connections to naturally develop into stronger ties over time, should both parties be interested in deepening the relationship.

How we interpret our social experiences affects how we handle feelings of loneliness. Using Weiner’s attribution model, researchers examine whether people view their loneliness as internal (“I’m unlikeable”) or external (“I’m too busy with work”), and temporary or ongoing. These interpretations create feedback loops that influence how loneliness is experienced.

The way people think about their loneliness shapes their experience. When viewed as internal and chronic, it can lead to depression and hopelessness. People may compare themselves unfavourably to others, especially on social media, affecting their self-esteem. Those who blame themselves or see loneliness as permanent often struggle more with motivation and resilience. This creates a cycle where negative beliefs reduce social engagement, reinforcing the original thoughts. Breaking this pattern by challenging these beliefs can be a crucial step in addressing chronic loneliness, as it allows individuals to develop more balanced and realistic interpretations of their social experiences.

These psychological and cognitive aspects of loneliness are deeply intertwined with how we discuss and frame the experience of loneliness in our society, particularly in the language we use to describe it. The way we talk about loneliness can either perpetuate harmful stigmas or help create more understanding and supportive communities. In day-to-day life, we might use certain language to describe or explain loneliness, which can easily include the framing that a person is ‘suffering’ from loneliness, suggesting that loneliness is something to be ‘fixed’ or ‘cured’. Language can cause a person to internalise reasons for loneliness, as if they have a failing or defect, continuing a negative effect on their self-esteem which can feed into a narrative that they are unworthy of a social network. Rather, professionals have a responsibility to normalise the language around loneliness, framing it as a common human experience that most people go through at various points in their lives. Language can also help to divorce the concepts of solitude, in which someone spends time alone, which can be a liberating and enjoyable experience, and loneliness, which is the painful feeling of disconnection from others in contradiction with someone’s preferred level of sociality.

To truly help people who feel lonely, we need to understand not just the feelings themselves, but also the social and language-based ways loneliness shows up. This bigger picture helps us create better support, the things that help individuals cope on their own, as well as broader efforts to change how society sees and responds to loneliness. By looking at all these pieces together, we can build more effective, compassionate solutions. To support people who are experiencing loneliness there are varied strategies that can be tailored to the individual. Addressing cognitive strategies might involve ‘reality-checking’ a current sense of aloneness, filling lonely times with solitary but enjoyable activities. Professionals can also consider how the individual explains their loneliness, whether it’s something they attribute to something lacking in themselves, or whether it’s something more situational. As with many causes of distress, looking at what the individual has control over can be helpful. One key takeaway from research, although counterintuitive, is the importance of weak ties. These are the small, everyday interactions we have with people we don’t know well, like chatting with the supermarket cashier or ordering a coffee. While they may seem insignificant, these brief moments of connection can boost our mood and help us feel more part of a community. In contrast, society and social media often place pressure on us to find deep relationships or a romantic partner, which can feel overwhelming. Weak ties, on the other hand, offer a gentler, more manageable way to start feeling less alone.

Building micro-connections is something we can all do every day. Taking a moment to engage in a minimal social interaction, like asking your neighbour how their day is going, or exchanging a friendly smile with someone at the bus stop can create ripples of connection that benefit both parties. Even brief exchanges can help create a sense of belonging and community. Importantly, as practitioners, framing micro-connections as a success and a viable approach to reducing loneliness can help reframe expectations around what “successful” social connection looks like. Rather than setting unrealistic goals of developing deep friendships immediately, acknowledging the value of these small interactions can provide a more achievable pathway to building social connections. This gradual approach allows individuals to develop social confidence and create opportunities for deeper relationships to evolve naturally over time.